What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
