I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
