I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
