just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
porn star boner night. come get it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
