i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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