So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
