It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
