Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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