Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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