But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Randomize
