Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
