What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
