im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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