I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She announced her abortion via fbk
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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