she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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