They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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