i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We're too hungover to prance.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
