We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize