It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize