Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
