I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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