I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
