You really coming over, don't trick.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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