mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
