As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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