The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
