it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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