The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
