it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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