what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
