i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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