I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Send help, water and tortillas.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
