6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
