Fine. I'll sleep in my office
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
