Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
