Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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