If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
