you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
