Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
