I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
