after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
