In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
