I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
