just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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