Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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