chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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