if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
