I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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