My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
