I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
