It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
