FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Two words: blizzard sex
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