You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The adults are the big ones right?
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