He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
