Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
