just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
