whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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