I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
