grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
