member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
