I'm gonna have a badass scar
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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